Dating Date from Hell

A Date? Or Was It The Date From Hell!

Sonia Varaschin was killed because she was lonely.

This worst case scenario emphasizes the inherent risks of meeting people online. Although the police were able to successfully research the victim's computer, it was too late to help Sonia.

In choosing a free dating site like plentyoffish.com, the victim unwittingly maximized her risks. Let me qualify this statement.
Although this particular tragedy was centered on plentyoffish, they are not the only risky site on the internet. In fact there are many other free dating sites like OK Cupid.com, and many, many more who are financed primarily by advertising revenue.  These are not the only sites, but are two of the largest sites in this camp. Many of these sites are not even cognizant of the increased risk that they expose their customers to.

The problem here is that any site that allows two people to communicate in any way for free is dangerous. Here is why.

There are lots of weirdos out there. These range from simple nerds to sociopaths. It is very possible that the apparently nice guy that you are chatting to on the Internet is actually possessive and abusive in real life. The epitome of dangerous people are axe murdering predators. They may think nothing of taking your life.

You may wonder why I am singling out free online dating sites, when in fact I am not.
Other social networking sites like facebook also have this problem. So the next time you accept a friend request from someone that you are not sure you know, think again. About the only thing that protects you from stalkers on facebook is that the friend of the friend you are accepting actually knows one of your friends. But if you and your friends are the types that just click on every friend request in some game to get the most friends on their list, then you are setting up people that you cherish in your life to a lot of hurt.

If you are communicating on any site that requires payment of some sort to enable the communication, then you are inherently safer from the get-go. Because it is easy for police to follow the money on such sites, sexual predators stay clear of them.  It only takes them a few minutes to set up a string of fakeemail account on yahoo using a real email account as reference, then set up a fake email account on gmail ,then erase the yahoo account.  Now just tie the gmail account to a fictitious email on AOL and it makes it tough to track you.  Smart stalkers use a trail for free emails spanning several countries and corporate entities, thus becoming more invisible.  Once they have a few untraceable accounts set up, they are free to join multiple free sites and stalk at will.  Coupled with a disposable cell phone purchased in another city, and you have full communication with someone who has just created an untraceable identity.

So what can you do about it?
Well the first, and most important step is to stay off of free social network dating sites. They are just plain risky.
These next tips are just common sense details:
1) Make sure you communicate online for a fair length of time before meeting in person. Make sure you do not let them know anything about who you are or where you live, or any outside contact information in the initial stages.
2) At some point use a disposable phone yourself, or else take advantage of an anonymous phone service, like MyPrivateLine.com, which offers a disposable number that lets you talk to strangers without revealing your phone number.
3) Before you commit your heart, make sure you are doing due diligence on this person. Be careful with what you say, and listen carefully to what is said. Consider recording the call so you can take notes after.  Look for inconsistencies. Look for inconsistencies in what they tell you by asking similar questions and making sure that the answers line up consistently. Inconsistent answers are all danger signals. If a stalker is working on you, they are probably pursuing more than one person at the same time and will often mix up the lies.
4) Seek recent photos, and think of some way that you can verify that the photo is recent.
5) Make sure that they understand that you are just being careful. Honest people will not have a serious problem with it. The worst thing that can happen is that they take a walk if they think you are a bit nutso. Be willing to reciprocate. Consider using the public library and use a current newspaper from a different town to keep your location secret.
6) Meet at a café rather than a bar, meet in the day time, and keep it short. For added security tell your friends where you are and make sure that your date knows this as soon as they arrive.
7) Use your camera phone and MMS it to a few friends. Then tell them what you have done that. He should know up front you are doing this, and if he has a problem with taking his picture, then get out ASAP!

Use your head before you lose your heart so you can keep both.

If you are still interested in paid online dating, check out the following link:

Online Dating Sites

Relationship Health for Dummies

It appears to me that a lot of  couples these days, forget who they started out being. Many couples forget their roots.Once they become a couple, they often lose track of the reasons why they bonded in the first place. Why is that?  As individuals do we really change that much?  I don't think so. So why the drift? Often we just get comfortable and lazy. To fix it, we have to inject new life into the mix.
Think about your relationship, and how you and your lover interacted when the relationship was new—likely there was there more kissing, touching, texting and bantering than now . Sending those little love notes or messages to each other throughout the day does wonders in moving a relationship forward.  Why would we want to let that initial excitement die? Some relationships were never meant to last, but of those that are, it is important that we actively pursue success.  We often blame the failure on stress, stress at work, financial stress, etc., but this is not the real culprit here.  Many of the issues were probably the ones that made us closer in the first place.

If we are like most couples, we just get lazy. We get into our comfort zone, and let things deteriorate past the point of no return. Men might check out other women and make complementary comments about them, all the while forgetting to compliment the one they are with.  Now, I am not putting any blame here - women can be guilty of this also. What often starts out as small moments of neglect cascade into a habit of inconsideration. We start to feel less adequate - less attractive. Many times we do not want to bring up each small issue,for fear of looking like a nit picker, but the result is a cascading failure of the relationship as small issues continue to be swept under the carpet. Both men and women need to be fearless in expressing their disapproval, and faultless in absorbing and trying to understand the complaints.  We must always be sensitive to our partner's feelings - relationships take work, and when both partners work at it - it grows into a lasting romance. Here are a few things we can do to make our relationships stay healthy:

1) Go out of your way to complement your partner each day. It will make both of you feel good.
2) Tell them you love them --- sometimes we don't hear this enough
3) Men, stop ogling—there's  no harm in looking, but lets get real here, is it necessary to ogle at every pretty face you see when you got the best thing right next to you. And yes, this goes for women also.
4)  Dishonesty is the root of all relationship dissension – make a habit of telling the truth, even if it might lead to embarrassing explanations.
5) Have some alone time....every day make a little time whether its just a stroll, or snuggling up on the sofa to watch a movie
6) Communicate- tell your partner how you feel, and work things out before they become worse than they are.
7) Start your day off with a kiss and a statement that re-enforces your love and commitment to each other.
8) Be spontaneous- flirt with each other-  a little kissing on a stairwell before work can be rather sexy, and keep your partner thinking about you throughout the day
9) Don't be so serious...Laugh, smile, you know that saying “Partners that laugh together stay together” Its so true.....
10)  Never go to bed angry – talk it out and work it out – the best thing for a relationship is a kiss before you go to sleep. The second best thing is sex before you go to sleep. You cannot have the second without the first.

Relationships all have their ups, and downs, but if you have heart, and desire to make it work it will blossom into something special. So, don't let that spark creep away- follow the above rules, and create some of your own a long the way....just have fun if you can dream about it then you can achieve it..

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