Top Online Dating Personals Sites

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Missing Toes

I sort of fell into communicating with a guy online for a couple of months because my best friend gave him my messenger address. At that point it just seemed natural for us to meet for lunch to see where our budding relationship might go. He lived quite some distance from me, but agreed to meet me on my turf. He showed up in an old truck (and I mean old) it looked like it had once belonged to “Jed Clampett”!

I greeted him and things started to go downhill even more quickly. He looked like he just came from a construction site, he was completely unkempt and his clothes were dirty, dusty and smelly. He then told me I would have to drive because there was a hole in the floorboard on the passenger side and he did not want me falling through.

He took me to an all you can eat buffet at the a high end Chinese restaurant. It was nice and the food was excellent. Things seemed to be looking up a bit, but that was short lived.  After telling me how nice I looked, always nice to hear, he proceeded to tell me that he only had two toes on one foot (like I really gave a shit) and how he had lost them as a child playing with his father's rifle. He then went on to tell me that he didn't really have a job and that he lied about having one so I would go out with him. He said he was about to lose his house that I found out wasn't a house at all but a friend's garage. He then told me he had no job prospects, no money and he knew he was not too attractive. He sobbed and cried hysterically saying if I didn’t want him he was going to shoot off the toes on his other foot. Rather than beat him about the head and shoulders with a baseball bat like I desperately wanted to, I just bit my tongue and consoled him. I said that he just had to be patient and the right one would come along. It just would not be me. I felt obligated to pay for lunch, and we went back to my apartment.

He told me he had a gift for me in the truck and said he hoped that yellow was my favourite color. I told him it was and he seemed pleased as he raced away. I wondered what the heck he could have for me that was yellow, and I soon found out. He returned a few minutes later with some over-ripe bananas. I didn't know weather to laugh or cry so I did neither. Instead I just stood there in awe. So then he informs me that he needs to spend the night because he had too much to drink. I told him (over my dead body) and tried to push him out the door. I was desperate to get him out so I did the first thing that came to mind. I threw bananas at him until he ran out the door as I slammed it! He continued pounding on my door saying let me in. I told him to take his bananas and go or I would call the police; so he left.

It proved to be a costly date. I have since moved and no longer allow my friends to fix me up.

I guess I will try a dating site next. At least they can keep your information private as they fix you up; not like my friends. Hopefully the guys on the dating site will not think that the best gift that they have to give is a banana..

Online Dating Sites

The Outdoors Was Never This Good When You Were a Kid

Almost everyone who has dated in during the summer months has found themselves in the great outdoors, at some point, communing with nature. Whether that means camping or staying at a cottage, there will be many romantic moments as you enjoy yourself out in 'the wilds'. All that fresh air and all those sunsets are natural sexual invigorators – getting her in the intimate frame of mind, and reminding him about the natural side of being alive. Plus, there are those full moon nights with lots of bright stars – hopefully while you end up skinny-dipping together. Invariably, at some point, the entire concept of outdoors sex will just happen. Sex can be a great thing of course, but there are some cautions that you should take before setting out on such sexual adventures.

Problem: Dirty Sex (And Not “Good” Dirty, Either)

You have to remember that when you’re camping, you’re going to get dirty. All those nature hikes and long walks will cover you in dirt. Normal outdoor activities like starting a fire, cooking over a campfire, cutting wood, and just the smoke and bug sprays leaves you a much less desirable person to be around from an intimacy point of view. No matter how amorous you might feel, the Hollywood movie version of an idyllic and loving camping trip or nature walk are unlikely to happen unless you take care of basic sanitation necessities. So there are a few recommendations. Wash up thoroughly before bedtime. When roughing it in the bush, take a container of 'wet wipes' with you to help keep yourself sanitary in your nether regions.

Solution: Bath or Sponge Bath Frequently

There are ways around this pitfall, of course. In many national parks, or even state level parks, there are usually shower facilities. Of course this does not help you if you are on an overnight trip on a backpacking trail and miles away from a shower. Go during off-peak hours when you’ll have some privacy – waiting until all the kids in the park are in bed is the perfect time to go. Sneak in there together, and get dirty after you’ve got clean. An added bonus is that the sound of the shower will mask most modest sex noises, and will provide easy clean-up when you’ve finished. Be prepared for some quizzical and accusing looks if there are people waiting for the shower when the two of you exit. Odds are you’ll still be in post-coital bliss, so you won’t mind much.

Problem:  Being Alone

Tents are just not good at blocking sound. When you have sex at night, especially if one of you is a screamer, be prepared for anything from amusing looks or accusing looks from the campsites around you. In the worst case you may get a visit from the park authorities (and hopefully not in the middle of the act).

 Solution: Really Long-g-g Nature Hikes

This one works like a charm, as long as you remember some basic safety tips. First, watch out for wildlife – especially lions and tigers and bears – OH MY! – just kidding, but there are some animals that you have to consider depending on your region. Many areas have bears, but in the mountain regions, there are some cats that may cause concern. Most other meat eaters tend to shy away from people, but if you are in the deep south, you can run into reptiles that are not so pleasant. Nothing dampens the libido more than running for your life. Second, do not go on a long sex trek at night. Better to do it during the day, when wildlife is less prevalent, and you can see clearly as you run for you life if some scary animal shows up. Third, bring a blanket for comfort and to keep from getting grass and sand from getting in your various hairy parts. Also, let your camping party know you’re going for a hike.  That way, if you deplete all your bodily fluids during the coitus and can’t make it back, they can send the rangers out to look for you. Just pull up your shorts before they rescue you, for appearances sake.

Enjoy the Ride!

Dating Sites

Am I The Loser

My name is Brianna and this is my dating story. Several years ago, I was desperately horny. That is not my usual state, but was the result of having just been through a divorce. Now divorces are not known to make you horny in themselves. My issue is that I had been celibate during most of the contest, and now that it was over I had gotten my long lost libido back in spades.  My problem was that I had been out of the dating scene for a long time, was in a different decade, and really had no idea where to go or what to do to find a date. My sister Darla suggested that I try Plentyoffish. I told her that I got the fact that eating lots of fish helped you get omega 3 fatty acids into your system and that was good for your skin and general well-being, but I had never heard of it lowering your sex drive. Besides, my problem was that I did not want to lower my libido, I wanted a man to get it on with! She informed me that it was a dating site that I should try and maybe I could meet a nice guy to spend some time with. My first response was, “NO WAY” then I gave it some thought and decided to give it a try. BIG MISTAKE!

Well the name plentyoffish is certainly accurate. I met some barracudas and a few slimy eels, and even someone that I thought of as pond scum. Plenty of patience is what they should call it, because I ran out of it before I ever found anyone decent.

The first guy that I ran into that seemed okay said that he liked to play with his kids and hang out at the beach walking around and collecting sea shells and stuff. He sounded like a decent guy but when I checked his profile it said he doesn’t have any kids; moving on.

The next man I met in the chat room seemed nice enough. He described himself to me as a trim 35 year old man who had no kids and had been divorced for a few years. He was looking for a serious relationship. When I met the dude in person, he was 65 if he was a day. His hair was all white, and he had quite a beer belly. At least 48 inches! He was dressed in all black cowboy clothes. My God he looked like an Grand Ole Opry washout. I was waiting for him to pull out a guitar and start singing “Forget The Past”. I wish I could forget him.

The next one spoke in a semi-Ebonics patois, and that is weird considering that he was white and all. All he could talk about was having sex with me. Well I told him if he touched me I was going to scream and call the police. I had to cut and run yet again! I rushed home to log into plentyofmorons to block him.

I talked to Darla and told her that her wonderful dating site, plentyofduds, had not been so good for me in any way. Well she talked me into giving it yet another try. I was more successful this time and started communicating with a fellow who seemed to be nice. From my perspective he was funny, sensible, and smart. When he asked to meet me in person, I agreed.

He took me to a nice club and as we sat down at the table a few of my friends who also  happened to be there came over to say hello. I invited them to sit with us. After all, they were friends, this was only a get acquainted date and I had no intention of finding myself between the sheets. Maybe it was intuition that had me invite them. I really do not know, but I did not think that there was any harm in it. My date on the other hand seem to have a big problem with it. He said “I'm not standing for this!” I said then sit down and shut up. Turns out he had no sense of humor, didn't dance or drink and when my friend told a joke he replied I'm not getting it. I said that’s right honey your not.

After that, the online acquaintances just started to blur together. There was an accountant in there, a sales clerk, a farmer of all things, a financial consultant, and a bunch of other guys who just did not cut it for me.  I may have been around the track a bit, but I keep myself physically healthy and trim with diet and strenuous exercise. I am also very truthful. I expect that any man I partner with to keep themselves actively healthy and not to lie to me. I was concerned that I was just wasting my time because a few more months had gone by with little to show for it. Plentyoffish had turned into plentyofnothing for me. It got that I would start to hum that Gershwin tune every time I logged in to the site.

So I found myself alone quite a bit over several months. I felt that the dating site was just not working for me at all. Now don't get me wrong, I was getting action, just not like the kind of action I wanted. I was fishing for a nice big swordfish, and all I kept landing were squid, suckers, and other small bait fish. I told my sister that I was tired of online dating sites. They were just not working for me. I did not want to log into plentyoftimewasted any more.

She told me there was another site that some of her friends had used and they seemed to meet some OK guy's. If I wanted she said would get me the link that would point me in the right direction. Since I was doing pretty much nothing with my spare time, I decided to give it a try, and said yes.

So when I went to the site, I was surprised to find that it was not a dating site at all. It was actually a dating review site. It had done a lot of work to select and categorize what it called the top dating sites on the internet. It was really easy to use. I selected a couple of sites and joined. One I had to pay for, and the other I did not have to pay. Within hours I was getting results. I did find that there were a bunch of idiots on them as well, but not quite as many as I was used to tap dancing around. I am now dating a couple of guys, one from each site. They are both nice guys, they are not cheap, they do not do weird things, and I feel great being seen in public with them. What a difference. Finally, my life is going someplace good again!

I tried to figure out why I was successful on these other sites and not on plentyoffish. I believe that plentyoffish attracts more than his fair share of losers just because the site is totally free.. I mean, would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone unsuccessful, or someone who is too cheap to pay for something? But free sites attracts exactly these kinds of people. When I took a harder look at the listed sites, I realized that every one of them were pay for use sites. In a way, that is an automatic filter on them because unsuccessful people and cheap people tend to stay away from them. I also found out that for several of these sites, only the men pay. As a woman, I have been just as successful on sites where only the men pay as sites where the men and the women have to pay.

So if you want some of the right kind of action, I highly recommend that you try the link below.
Top100datingpersonals

Looking For Sex

RUN LURCH!!!!!

Hi my name is Skippy, and no I'm not a kangaroo! I was just a sex crazed guy looking for a little Bing Bing. I was always hoping someone would take a chance on me. Hmm – sounds like a country song. Lol. Lol.  Just kidding. So there I was, 27 and still a virgin. That s right I said virgin, and I felt like I was the only one left in the world. It seems virgins are a dying breed these days. I told people I was saving myself for that special one. Its funny how losers always say they're saving themselves. For what? The end of the world? I once told a coworker that I was a virgin by choice. He laughed and said “That's like an ugly person saying beauty is only skin deep”. I kept saying that if something doesn’t change soon I might consider a sex change. Maybe then I could give it away. God I was horny (did I say that out loud)? Sometimes I felt so alienated from society. Everyone seems to be in a big hurry to go nowhere. No one ever noticed me. So almost every night, it was just me, my friend Lurch (god what horrible name) and my faithful dog Bobo.

Late one night my friend and I walked home from the neighborhood pub. As we walked we were met by a couple of bullies shouting profanities at us. My friend said you guys better back off because were the members of a club, (ya the losers club). One of them responded, “Probably the hair club for men. Get em”. As we ran for our lives dodging beer caps and hard boiled eggs we decided to take a stand, but luck for once was on our side. It seems they had gone in the other direction. Lurch said it was lucky for them they went the other way or I don't know what I would have done (probably shit your self). Lurch tried to start a club for virgin males but no one wanted to join, guess his campaign slogan “Proud To Be A Virgin”, scared them of. 

As we sat on my front porch one night watching the women parade by, seems that's all we ever did was watch, wondering how to make our lives more exciting, it came to me. I explained to my friend that I know someone who is involved in one of those online sites and he met some very nice women we should give it a try.

Well we couldn't be happier,things are really looking up for the both of us. We have met some wonderful caring women and, well I never kiss and tell, but I met the woman of my dreams, and I owe it all to a buddy who gave me this great link to check out. So if your tired of being alone and want to share your life’s experiences with someone then the link below can help you.

Online Dating Sites