Sustaining a Relationship

It appears to me that a lot of  couples these days, forget who they started out being. Many couples forget their roots. Once they start to live together, they seem to gradually lose the bonds that attracted them in the first place. Why is that?  Do we really change all that much?  I don't think so. So why the drift? Often we just get comfortable and lazy. So, how do we fix this you ask—by nipping it in the bud before it gets to the point of no return.

You should reflect on your relationship and what has changed—I bet there was a lot more teasing, kissing, fondling, and with the technology these days, a lot more texting too . Those early connections not only moved the relationship forward initially, they are also instrumental in keeping the relationship fresh now.  It all used to come so easy with the excitement of having a new partner - do we have to let that excitement die? For a long term relationship to succeed for the long term, a lot of work is required from both parties.  We often blame the failure on stress, stress at work, financial stress, etc., but this is not the real culprit here.  Many of the issues were probably the ones that made us closer in the first place.

If we are like most couples, we just get lazy. We get into our comfort zone, and let things deteriorate past the point of no return. Men for instance, start ogling more at other women, and making comments about how good looking they are, and they forget about the one their with.  Now, I am not putting any blame here - women can be guilty of this also. The point is we stop complimenting each other, and for the person at the other end of this scenario it can be quite a let down. We start to feel less adequate - less attractive. Most times were even afraid to say something for fear of upsetting the other person even though their actions have made us angry. Both men and women need to be fearless in expressing their disapproval, and faultless in absorbing and trying to understand the complaints.  We must always be sensitive to our partner's feelings - relationships take work, and when both partners work at it - it grows into a lasting romance. Here are a few things we can do to make our relationships stay healthy:

1) Go out of your way to complement your partner each day. It will make both of you feel good.
2) Love them and tell them that you love them. Never force them to assume that you love them
3) Men have to stop staring at other women – it may be conditioned by advertising, but it is just demeaning to your partner. And women need to think about comments that they may make about other guys.
4)  Honesty.....no one likes to be lied to so why do it. Tell each other everything, it will produce conversation
5) Have some alone time....every day make a little time whether its just a stroll, or snuggling up on the sofa to watch a movie
6) Talk to each other and make sure you bring up issues and work them through before they become an insurmountable obstacle.
7) Start your day off with a kiss and a statement that re-enforces your love and commitment to each other.
8) Be spontaneous- flirt with each other-  a little kissing on a stairwell before work can be rather sexy, and keep your partner thinking about you throughout the day
9) Don't be so serious...Laugh, smile, you know that saying “Partners that laugh together stay together” Its so true.....
10)  Make a point of never going to bed angry- whatever is bothering you talk it out, its not worth losing sleep over, and it starts your next day on a negative note. Make some time to snuggle when you get into bed....create a good night ritual. Some couples just get into their own sides of the bed, and that's it. I don't know about you, but  that is not my idea of a Good Night. Take a few moments to caress, and make going to sleep a wonderful thing knowing that you will be waking up beside your Prince or Princess in the morning.

Relationships are hard work but worth the effort. Keep at it so that your relationship becomes more play than work. When it becomes second nature to you, you have truly achieved the epiphany of satisfaction.

http://www.top100datingpersonals.com/datingandhealthadvice.php

The Most Common Problems Dating Woman

If you are looking for advice on dating women, then hopefully this article will give you a few courses of action. When you are successful with women on a first date, they will will want to date you again, no matter what your financial position is or how you look. There is one key success factor, and that is charm, charm, charm.  Although there is such a thing as too flattering, girls will tend to forgive that. There is however, a few things you should not do such as:
1) Do not kowtow to her excessively such as
a. Making her feel so important that you are less in her eyes. If you are praising her or giving her a complement, do it in a light hearted manner. You will achieve the complement without appearing to be subservient.
b. Asking her to compare you former lovers – on a first date you will always come up short. Do not push this rhetorical button; it is too soon to get into this level of feedback.
c. Ceding control of the date. Questions should not be open ended. If you are not sure of what she would like, then give her a list of two, or at most three choices of things to do next. If she is not happy with any of the choices, then you have have not done sufficient research as to what her preferences are. You have screwed up, you deserve to be dumped. (On subsequent dates, you can ask for ideas, but on a first date you should appear to be on top, thoughtful, but flexible).
2) The next fault is trying to impress her excessively. Do not crow and breast beat, and keep mum on your financial information.  Just be a interested partner, hear and remember what she says, and pay the tab.  Date one is female centric, it is not about you. If she asks questions, then give them a solid well thought out answer but avoid excessive rhetoric, or else you are in the danger zone of coming across in a negative light.
3) Do not put her on a pedestal. That advice is more important if the woman is very pretty.  Very pretty women are used to being on a pedestal. Did you ever notice how often that really attractive women are dating hoodlums?  That is because the bums do not put them on a pedestal and they feel like they are being appreciated for what they are. In many cases the bums treat them like crap, but they like that because it is just different, and different is special to them. Nothing is more tiring to beautiful women as unwanted attention – they have heard it all before.  The better approach is to just ask them something about themselves, such as what they do, what interests them, etc.
4) Being exclusive too soon in a relationship.  Both you and her should be obviously playing the field initially. If you seem too willing to commit exclusively, you will seem  desperate in their eyes.  No woman wants to be dating a grasping loser. You have to come across as successful in relationships, and therefore more interesting in her eyes.

If you are having trouble finding the woman of your dreams, then try the following pages to help you zero in on the type of woman that you desire:

Free Online Dating

Adult Friend Finder

Mature Dating

Gay Dating

Lesbian Dating

Swinger Dating

Cheating

Top 10 Dating Sites

Top 100 Dating
If this article has peaked your interest than visit the link below:
http://www.top100datingpersonals.com/onlinedating.php 

I Found Love On My Computer

I was a recently divorced single woman in my early 50's and I like so many of my friends turned to  online dating for a solution. Because of my age, I really didn't think I had much of a chance of meeting  anyone online. I actually was not even going to try online dating, but my friends and sisters sort of twisted my arm to do it. I made my profile, and had my sisters pick out some of the best photos of me. Then I had one of my friends post my picture on my profile since I didn’t know anything about posting stuff online. In any event, once finished with all of that I just sat back and mostly waited. I had no idea how these dating sites worked. I mean, I browsed around and looked at some men's profiles, and was pleasantly surprised to see a lot of guys my age, but I just felt it was too forward of me to contact them first.

The next day I had over a dozen emails in my inbox. I could not believe it. It was pretty exciting.  Some of that excitement ebbed a bit when I read some of them. I cannot believe the stupidity of some men. However a couple were quite interesting and I replied to them. If I got to the point that I wanted to meet in person I made sure that I met everyone at a nice restaurant down the street from where I worked. Since I knew some of the staff, I felt safer there than any other place I could think of. It was exciting, but it was exhausting.  Learning so much information about so many people and keeping it all straight in your head is tough work.Interacting with all of these men was exciting, but it was mentally exhausting as well. Keeping them all straight was difficult. I finally resorted to opening a diary for each on my computer and reviewing it before I talked to each of them. It was lots of work, but I kept at it. I started questioning if I could keep up the pace, but I was determined not to spend much more of my life by myself, so I kept at it.

I felt most comfortable in my life being part of a long term relationship. I thrived on that and really wanted to find someone to have in my life again. After all that activity, one man really piqued my interest. He had a way of wording things in his emails that I found refreshing from the rest of the men. He was concise, yet managed to be articulate at the same time. It showed that he thought about what he wrote about before committing it to words. So much better than the random blathering that I got from most other people. It even showed in his profile which left me with the impression that he was someone well educated, who was not ego centric. He seemed to be really in touch with the so called “feminine side” of himself. I was surprised about how often he asked me how I felt about things. When you talk to most men about things that are troubling you, they instantly try to tell you how to fix it. He was not like that. He would often talk to me for a long time delving into my feelings about things before ever venturing an opinion. My first instinct was that he was gay and just pulling my leg, but I later realized that hew was the genuine article. He was just a very caring person who believed that women were not second class citizens. He told me that he had not always been so open minded, but he had spent many years in Europe, and had seen what can happen when people let outside cultures influence society's mores. He had been transferred back to our city fairly recently.

I had traveled to Europe several times. On top of this, we both shared a love of most winter sports. We often chatted about our impression of various cities, and which ski resorts did we like the best.  His profile had no picture on it, so at no point in our early interactions was I chasing a pretty face. It was his communication ability and points of view that won my respect. When he later emailed me a picture of himself, I was not disappointed. When we first decided to talk over the phone, I was nervous about giving him my number. I convinced him to give me his instead. He gave me his number but I was actually too scared to call at first. After several days I finally got enough courage to call, and I'm glad I did.

“He was fantastic, charming so sweet and such a gentleman.|He was just so amazing. In real life he was even better than online. So sweet, and always a gentleman.|He turned out to be an incredibly sweet and charming guy. Always a gentleman. For that first date we met at a nice little restaurant that we were both familiar with. I got there first, worried that it would make me look needy, but I could not help myself. I am compulsive about being early to everything. My biggest concern was that we would not click. As I looked towards the door, in walked this gorgeous hunk of a man. Before he came over, he looked at me from across the room. As he stood there, I absorbed the fact that he had dark hair, almost black, with just a touch of gray at the temples. Almost like professor X in the Xmen comics. I was in complete awe. We talked and laughed and shared some personal stories. Time was streaming by but I could not stop it. I did not want it to have to end. The meal would not last long enough for me. I was having too good a time.  We left after he paid the bill. I noticed that he left a nice tip as well. He kissed me when we got to my house. As he drove away, I sighed. Everything was just too good to be true. The chemistry for me had been instantaneous. I already knew that he was the one.

We had several more dates after that, and it seemed that every date was better then the one before. But something began to bother me. I had not been exactly truthful about my age in my profile. My friends had convinced me to exaggerate a little. Just take a few years off and when he finds out later, well maybe it won't matter. I put my age as 51 but in fact I was 54, “not a big deal I know”, but most people, even guys, don't like to be lied to and will wonder what else you've lied about. I decided to tell him the truth when I felt the time was right.

We went to a small bar one evening for a drink. The waiter asked me for proof of age with a smile on his face. I just knew that my honey Max had put him up to it. To play into the joke, I pulled out my license to show him and we all laughed when he pretended to scrutinize it really closely. Max asked if he could see my license and I just passed it over without a thought. He said, “Holy cow, you're fifty four!” I just sat there not knowing what to say. Then he started laughing like an idiot! When I asked what was so funny, he said that the joke was on him. He had lied about his age as well. As it turned out he was older than he stated in his profile. It seems he's two years older than me and not two years younger. We laughed about the fact that we had both caught each other out.

We had dated for six months or so. Late one night he called me and woke me up from this sensual dream I was having about us. He just had to tell me something right that moment and was not something that he wanted to discuss on the phone. He wanted to come over immediately. Half an hour later he came in, sat down and said, “I have something to say to you that can't be put off any longer.” I thought to myself, “Oh God this can't be good.”

I braced myself for the worst, even opening a box of Kleenex because I was sure I was going to need them. Well I needed them, but in a good way. He got down on one knee, told me I was the best thing that had ever happened to him, that he had been waiting all of his life to find me, and asked me to marry him. I had to say yes. I mean what else could I do. I was madly in love with him.

I have been married to Maxwell now for three years. It has been the most wonderful period of my life. My former marriage does not compare to what I have with Max. It is like being a new bride every day. And to think I found him on an online dating site. Someplace that I had thought of as a last chance place to meet someone!

So that is the story of Max and me. It is only the beginning. Maybe I will write a followup some day. If you have been loath to try Internet dating, you should give it a try. It is not all as rosy as I have depicted in my tale. I found that there were a lot of truly despicable characters on just about every site. But each site gives you tools that allow you to easily block them. When you block someone on a dating site, you cease to exist for them. They will never be able to find you in search results again. From their perspective, you no longer have an account on the site. I tell you that only because I have met a lot of women who stopped using dating sites because they ran into a few morons, and never spent any time learning how to deal with them. In any event, even with the negatives that you will find, I would recommend online dating to anyone.
Below I have posted a link to one of the resource sites that I used. The sites referenced there are some of the best and are well organized. There are so many to choose from you are sure to find what you want. Good luck in your search!


Dating Advice

Manufacturing Mates

The Amazon.com kindle is just one of many e-readers flooding the market currently. In fact, e-readers are going to pretty much shut down the brick and mortar side of the print industry within the next few years. Authors will leverage this paradigm shift to self publish. There will be a lot of book sharing between people. In effect, this will do to books what the Ipod did to music. And although the music industry will cry foul and that people are stealing copyrighted material, the result will be that more people than ever will read on a regular basis. In fact, these e-readers will be the final enabler for people to sell serial stories on a mass basis for the first time. Once publishers and authors adjust to this new paradigm, they will make even more money than ever!

Well so much for speculations about the publishing business. But something that you have to be aware of is the amount of information that companies like Amazon glean from your e-reader habits.  Likely you already know that they use the titles that you purchase to figure out what to recommend to you. Most people would just consider this to be good merchandising. Most people are not aware that Amazon also tracks what you are reading and what you are re-reading as part of this exercise. Just because you buy a book does not mean that you read it and like it. They track how fast you read it, and if you re-read it. The creepy thing is that they also track anything that you highlight as well. They are also sharing this information with publishers so that publishers know what it is that people like within each publishing genre. How scary is that?

Welcome to the true electronic age.

People have been bandying about the term electronic age for over 30 years, but it is only in the last 10 years that it is really getting into the types of machinations that we saw in George Orwell's book 1986. It would seem that our society was a bit slow in living down to George's low expectations of us.

You may wonder what it is that these companies are doing with all of this personal data.

So far, the publishing companies are focusing on choosing plot scenarios that are sure to sell well. They have been financing assistant ghost writers for popular series writers to accelerate their output.. At the same time, they are able to check for consistency of story lines. The star trek series of books through 20 years was written by a series of guest writers. Can you imagine how much better and more successful that series would have been with better character consistency, better plot consistency and better knowledge of what it was that their buyers liked and did not like? What do you think that similar tactics could do for the likes of Nicholas Sparks, Luanne Rice or Ken Follet?

So take it a step further. Why have a real author at all? Why not have an author team and create an artificial persona to front them. They can be cagey and invent a fictitious person by doctoring a photograph, create a website with a blog, have a bunch of social media profiles, and hire a PR team to look after that persona. They could play up the fact that the author has agoraphobia and will not appear in public. Now you get a team of ghost writers to start working on new books, and an editor checking for consistency of story lines if the books are supposed to be a series. If they are just all of a genre, then the only check is for consistent style. Of course the next step in this sequence will be to hire people to do blog posts and answer email from these fake entities. Faced with this, most people would just assume there is a living, breathing person that belongs to the name. Welcome to the likely future of the big publishing companies.

There is another industry that would benefit from applying similar information and tactics. That industry is Web Dating Services!

The work that Microsoft is currently doing with computer interaction is truly impressive, but likely the gaming industry will be the only near-term beneficiary. Apple's deployment of SIRI in a big way is also likely to shape a lot of near future technology.  Voice technology is most critical on small mobile devices, but will find their way into most computer based systems.  The really interesting part will be when voice, gesture and face recognition technology is widely employed in other regular home appliances and vehicles.

What if these gesture recognition, face recognition, interactive voice and video technologies were combined? What if you could come up with a simulacrum that would be able to interactively chat with someone? What if they can recognize you on sight, pull up your previous conversations? What if they can tell if you look sad or tired?

Almost every dating site on the Internet has some form of contact initiation mechanisms where they entice people to respond. Part of this is to get them out of the habit of being lurkers, but mostly it is to coax people into signing up or upgrading to a paid membership. When people upgrade so they can reply to these messages, they have people on staff to interact with you.  So that hot chick that seems to be so enamored with you seems too good to be true, and probably is. There ain't no such thing as a free lunch, and dating sites have to make money to stay in operation. It is not all fake, but some of it is.

It takes a while to find someone to mesh with even on a dating site. You will never do so if you quit too soon, or if you are too timid to interact in the first place. These systems may seem money grubbing and greedy, but they do serve a useful purpose. People who hang around longer are more likely to be successful at finding a match.

Likely the next step for the dating industry would be to manufacture ideal profiles for you based on what you are looking for. You are looking for a 5 foot 5 inch brunette with a trim figure, a steady job, who does not smoke and is not interested in having children. Well amazingly enough, there are a few that have joined up in the last few weeks when you log in and search. In the couple of moments that it takes you to complete a profile, and log in, they could have a bunch of perfect profiles created for you to interact with, and they can keep creating a few more every day for you to find.

What might the next step be? In a decade or so, it should be possible to have a computer generated entity that can interact with you one on one via video chat. Programs currently exist that will can interact with you, and they will fool most people into believing that there is a real person at the other end. Where the media focuses on the more mechanical aspects of artificial intelligence, like walking and running robots, the true breakthroughs that need to be made are on the intelligence side of the equation.  At the present time, nobody has invented a computer based mechanism that is capable of independent thought.

So if you are on a dating site and want to know if a person is real or fake, just try to enter into a video chat with them. The fake ones will never commit to it. If they will not video chat with you, you will know one of two things. They are either lying about what they look like, or else they are really a fake entity. Either way, you are better to seek other people, either on that site or on other sites.

Currently then, your litmus test for determining how authentic someone is on a dating site is video chat. If they are available to video chat, then they are legit.

In spite of all the negative information we just talked about, dating sites do work. I mean, people lie all the time, even in bars. People hand toss out fake names like crazy. Any dating site has literally millions of real people looking to interact. There is a strong chance that many will be in your own town, even if it is small. If you are a man, to minimize the artificial contacts, just upgrade to a paying membership as soon as you join. That will pretty much ensure that you ware always interacting with real people. Women should just join sites where women can interact without paying and men have to pay. These sites will only show women real profiles. Women are strong communicators, so there is no need to entice them into conversation. Sites were men can interact for free tend to be full of cheapskates and unsuccessful men, stay away from them!

This blog post should enable you to understand the more negative side of dating sites, and what is possible. Dating sites do provide a useful service in spite of this, and are worth joining. Just make sure you keep your sensibilities about you.  For a list of some of the better sites, click the link below:

Dating Sites

Sex Appeal for Dummies

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Am I The Loser

My name is Brianna and this is my dating story. Several years ago, I was desperately horny. That is not my usual state, but was the result of having just been through a divorce. Now divorces are not known to make you horny in themselves. My issue is that I had been celibate during most of the contest, and now that it was over I had gotten my long lost libido back in spades.  My problem was that I had been out of the dating scene for a long time, was in a different decade, and really had no idea where to go or what to do to find a date. My sister Darla suggested that I try Plentyoffish. I told her that I got the fact that eating lots of fish helped you get omega 3 fatty acids into your system and that was good for your skin and general well-being, but I had never heard of it lowering your sex drive. Besides, my problem was that I did not want to lower my libido, I wanted a man to get it on with! She informed me that it was a dating site that I should try and maybe I could meet a nice guy to spend some time with. My first response was, “NO WAY” then I gave it some thought and decided to give it a try. BIG MISTAKE!

Well the name plentyoffish is certainly accurate. I met some barracudas and a few slimy eels, and even someone that I thought of as pond scum. Plenty of patience is what they should call it, because I ran out of it before I ever found anyone decent.

The first guy that I ran into that seemed okay said that he liked to play with his kids and hang out at the beach walking around and collecting sea shells and stuff. He sounded like a decent guy but when I checked his profile it said he doesn’t have any kids; moving on.

The next man I met in the chat room seemed nice enough. He described himself to me as a trim 35 year old man who had no kids and had been divorced for a few years. He was looking for a serious relationship. When I met the dude in person, he was 65 if he was a day. His hair was all white, and he had quite a beer belly. At least 48 inches! He was dressed in all black cowboy clothes. My God he looked like an Grand Ole Opry washout. I was waiting for him to pull out a guitar and start singing “Forget The Past”. I wish I could forget him.

The next one spoke in a semi-Ebonics patois, and that is weird considering that he was white and all. All he could talk about was having sex with me. Well I told him if he touched me I was going to scream and call the police. I had to cut and run yet again! I rushed home to log into plentyofmorons to block him.

I talked to Darla and told her that her wonderful dating site, plentyofduds, had not been so good for me in any way. Well she talked me into giving it yet another try. I was more successful this time and started communicating with a fellow who seemed to be nice. From my perspective he was funny, sensible, and smart. When he asked to meet me in person, I agreed.

He took me to a nice club and as we sat down at the table a few of my friends who also  happened to be there came over to say hello. I invited them to sit with us. After all, they were friends, this was only a get acquainted date and I had no intention of finding myself between the sheets. Maybe it was intuition that had me invite them. I really do not know, but I did not think that there was any harm in it. My date on the other hand seem to have a big problem with it. He said “I'm not standing for this!” I said then sit down and shut up. Turns out he had no sense of humor, didn't dance or drink and when my friend told a joke he replied I'm not getting it. I said that’s right honey your not.

After that, the online acquaintances just started to blur together. There was an accountant in there, a sales clerk, a farmer of all things, a financial consultant, and a bunch of other guys who just did not cut it for me.  I may have been around the track a bit, but I keep myself physically healthy and trim with diet and strenuous exercise. I am also very truthful. I expect that any man I partner with to keep themselves actively healthy and not to lie to me. I was concerned that I was just wasting my time because a few more months had gone by with little to show for it. Plentyoffish had turned into plentyofnothing for me. It got that I would start to hum that Gershwin tune every time I logged in to the site.

So I found myself alone quite a bit over several months. I felt that the dating site was just not working for me at all. Now don't get me wrong, I was getting action, just not like the kind of action I wanted. I was fishing for a nice big swordfish, and all I kept landing were squid, suckers, and other small bait fish. I told my sister that I was tired of online dating sites. They were just not working for me. I did not want to log into plentyoftimewasted any more.

She told me there was another site that some of her friends had used and they seemed to meet some OK guy's. If I wanted she said would get me the link that would point me in the right direction. Since I was doing pretty much nothing with my spare time, I decided to give it a try, and said yes.

So when I went to the site, I was surprised to find that it was not a dating site at all. It was actually a dating review site. It had done a lot of work to select and categorize what it called the top dating sites on the internet. It was really easy to use. I selected a couple of sites and joined. One I had to pay for, and the other I did not have to pay. Within hours I was getting results. I did find that there were a bunch of idiots on them as well, but not quite as many as I was used to tap dancing around. I am now dating a couple of guys, one from each site. They are both nice guys, they are not cheap, they do not do weird things, and I feel great being seen in public with them. What a difference. Finally, my life is going someplace good again!

I tried to figure out why I was successful on these other sites and not on plentyoffish. I believe that plentyoffish attracts more than his fair share of losers just because the site is totally free.. I mean, would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone unsuccessful, or someone who is too cheap to pay for something? But free sites attracts exactly these kinds of people. When I took a harder look at the listed sites, I realized that every one of them were pay for use sites. In a way, that is an automatic filter on them because unsuccessful people and cheap people tend to stay away from them. I also found out that for several of these sites, only the men pay. As a woman, I have been just as successful on sites where only the men pay as sites where the men and the women have to pay.

So if you want some of the right kind of action, I highly recommend that you try the link below.
Top100datingpersonals