Friday, February 17, 2012

The Outdoors Was Never This Good When You Were a Kid



Almost everyone who has dated in during the summer months has found themselves in the great outdoors, at some point, communing with nature. Whether that means camping or staying at a cottage, there will be many romantic moments as you enjoy yourself out in 'the wilds'. All that fresh air and all those sunsets are natural sexual invigorators – getting her in the intimate frame of mind, and reminding him about the natural side of being alive. Plus, there are those full moon nights with lots of bright stars – hopefully while you end up skinny-dipping together. Invariably, at some point, the entire concept of outdoors sex will just happen. Sex can be a great thing of course, but there are some cautions that you should take before setting out on such sexual adventures.

Problem: Dirty Sex (And Not “Good” Dirty, Either)

You have to remember that when you’re camping, you’re going to get dirty. All those nature hikes and long walks will cover you in dirt. Normal outdoor activities like starting a fire, cooking over a campfire, cutting wood, and just the smoke and bug sprays leaves you a much less desirable person to be around from an intimacy point of view. No matter how amorous you might feel, the Hollywood movie version of an idyllic and loving camping trip or nature walk are unlikely to happen unless you take care of basic sanitation necessities. So there are a few recommendations. Wash up thoroughly before bedtime. When roughing it in the bush, take a container of 'wet wipes' with you to help keep yourself sanitary in your nether regions.

Solution: Bath or Sponge Bath Frequently

There are ways around this pitfall, of course. In many national parks, or even state level parks, there are usually shower facilities. Of course this does not help you if you are on an overnight trip on a backpacking trail and miles away from a shower. Go during off-peak hours when you’ll have some privacy – waiting until all the kids in the park are in bed is the perfect time to go. Sneak in there together, and get dirty after you’ve got clean. An added bonus is that the sound of the shower will mask most modest sex noises, and will provide easy clean-up when you’ve finished. Be prepared for some quizzical and accusing looks if there are people waiting for the shower when the two of you exit. Odds are you’ll still be in post-coital bliss, so you won’t mind much.

Problem:  Being Alone

Tents are just not good at blocking sound. When you have sex at night, especially if one of you is a screamer, be prepared for anything from amusing looks or accusing looks from the campsites around you. In the worst case you may get a visit from the park authorities (and hopefully not in the middle of the act).

 Solution: Really Long-g-g Nature Hikes

This one works like a charm, as long as you remember some basic safety tips. First, watch out for wildlife – especially lions and tigers and bears – OH MY! – just kidding, but there are some animals that you have to consider depending on your region. Many areas have bears, but in the mountain regions, there are some cats that may cause concern. Most other meat eaters tend to shy away from people, but if you are in the deep south, you can run into reptiles that are not so pleasant. Nothing dampens the libido more than running for your life. Second, do not go on a long sex trek at night. Better to do it during the day, when wildlife is less prevalent, and you can see clearly as you run for you life if some scary animal shows up. Third, bring a blanket for comfort and to keep from getting grass and sand from getting in your various hairy parts. Also, let your camping party know you’re going for a hike.  That way, if you deplete all your bodily fluids during the coitus and can’t make it back, they can send the rangers out to look for you. Just pull up your shorts before they rescue you, for appearances sake.

Enjoy the Ride!

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