Sustaining a Relationship

It appears to me that a lot of  couples these days, forget who they started out being. Many couples forget their roots. Once they start to live together, they seem to gradually lose the bonds that attracted them in the first place. Why is that?  Do we really change all that much?  I don't think so. So why the drift? Often we just get comfortable and lazy. So, how do we fix this you ask—by nipping it in the bud before it gets to the point of no return.

You should reflect on your relationship and what has changed—I bet there was a lot more teasing, kissing, fondling, and with the technology these days, a lot more texting too . Those early connections not only moved the relationship forward initially, they are also instrumental in keeping the relationship fresh now.  It all used to come so easy with the excitement of having a new partner - do we have to let that excitement die? For a long term relationship to succeed for the long term, a lot of work is required from both parties.  We often blame the failure on stress, stress at work, financial stress, etc., but this is not the real culprit here.  Many of the issues were probably the ones that made us closer in the first place.

If we are like most couples, we just get lazy. We get into our comfort zone, and let things deteriorate past the point of no return. Men for instance, start ogling more at other women, and making comments about how good looking they are, and they forget about the one their with.  Now, I am not putting any blame here - women can be guilty of this also. The point is we stop complimenting each other, and for the person at the other end of this scenario it can be quite a let down. We start to feel less adequate - less attractive. Most times were even afraid to say something for fear of upsetting the other person even though their actions have made us angry. Both men and women need to be fearless in expressing their disapproval, and faultless in absorbing and trying to understand the complaints.  We must always be sensitive to our partner's feelings - relationships take work, and when both partners work at it - it grows into a lasting romance. Here are a few things we can do to make our relationships stay healthy:

1) Go out of your way to complement your partner each day. It will make both of you feel good.
2) Love them and tell them that you love them. Never force them to assume that you love them
3) Men have to stop staring at other women – it may be conditioned by advertising, but it is just demeaning to your partner. And women need to think about comments that they may make about other guys.
4)  Honesty.....no one likes to be lied to so why do it. Tell each other everything, it will produce conversation
5) Have some alone time....every day make a little time whether its just a stroll, or snuggling up on the sofa to watch a movie
6) Talk to each other and make sure you bring up issues and work them through before they become an insurmountable obstacle.
7) Start your day off with a kiss and a statement that re-enforces your love and commitment to each other.
8) Be spontaneous- flirt with each other-  a little kissing on a stairwell before work can be rather sexy, and keep your partner thinking about you throughout the day
9) Don't be so serious...Laugh, smile, you know that saying “Partners that laugh together stay together” Its so true.....
10)  Make a point of never going to bed angry- whatever is bothering you talk it out, its not worth losing sleep over, and it starts your next day on a negative note. Make some time to snuggle when you get into bed....create a good night ritual. Some couples just get into their own sides of the bed, and that's it. I don't know about you, but  that is not my idea of a Good Night. Take a few moments to caress, and make going to sleep a wonderful thing knowing that you will be waking up beside your Prince or Princess in the morning.

Relationships are hard work but worth the effort. Keep at it so that your relationship becomes more play than work. When it becomes second nature to you, you have truly achieved the epiphany of satisfaction.

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Missing Toes

I sort of fell into communicating with a guy online for a couple of months because my best friend gave him my messenger address. At that point it just seemed natural for us to meet for lunch to see where our budding relationship might go. He lived quite some distance from me, but agreed to meet me on my turf. He showed up in an old truck (and I mean old) it looked like it had once belonged to “Jed Clampett”!

I greeted him and things started to go downhill even more quickly. He looked like he just came from a construction site, he was completely unkempt and his clothes were dirty, dusty and smelly. He then told me I would have to drive because there was a hole in the floorboard on the passenger side and he did not want me falling through.

He took me to an all you can eat buffet at the a high end Chinese restaurant. It was nice and the food was excellent. Things seemed to be looking up a bit, but that was short lived.  After telling me how nice I looked, always nice to hear, he proceeded to tell me that he only had two toes on one foot (like I really gave a shit) and how he had lost them as a child playing with his father's rifle. He then went on to tell me that he didn't really have a job and that he lied about having one so I would go out with him. He said he was about to lose his house that I found out wasn't a house at all but a friend's garage. He then told me he had no job prospects, no money and he knew he was not too attractive. He sobbed and cried hysterically saying if I didn’t want him he was going to shoot off the toes on his other foot. Rather than beat him about the head and shoulders with a baseball bat like I desperately wanted to, I just bit my tongue and consoled him. I said that he just had to be patient and the right one would come along. It just would not be me. I felt obligated to pay for lunch, and we went back to my apartment.

He told me he had a gift for me in the truck and said he hoped that yellow was my favourite color. I told him it was and he seemed pleased as he raced away. I wondered what the heck he could have for me that was yellow, and I soon found out. He returned a few minutes later with some over-ripe bananas. I didn't know weather to laugh or cry so I did neither. Instead I just stood there in awe. So then he informs me that he needs to spend the night because he had too much to drink. I told him (over my dead body) and tried to push him out the door. I was desperate to get him out so I did the first thing that came to mind. I threw bananas at him until he ran out the door as I slammed it! He continued pounding on my door saying let me in. I told him to take his bananas and go or I would call the police; so he left.

It proved to be a costly date. I have since moved and no longer allow my friends to fix me up.

I guess I will try a dating site next. At least they can keep your information private as they fix you up; not like my friends. Hopefully the guys on the dating site will not think that the best gift that they have to give is a banana..

Online Dating Sites

Maintaining A Healthy Relationship

It appears to me that a lot of  couples these days, forget who they started out being. Many couples forget their roots. After being together for a  few years or more they seem to lose that friendship that once bonded them together. Why is that?  As individuals do we really change that much?  I don't think so. So why then do we so often start to drift apart? Often we just get comfortable and lazy. To fix it, we have to inject new life into the mix.

Think about your relationship, and how you and your lover interacted when the relationship was new—likely there was there more kissing, touching, texting and bantering than now . Those early connections not only moved the relationship forward initially, they are also instrumental in keeping the relationship fresh now.  Who in their right minds would let that initial excitement die? For a long term relationship to succeed for the long term, a lot of work is required from both parties.  We often blame the failure on stress, stress at work, financial stress, etc., but this is not the real culprit here.  Many of the issues were probably the same ones we've  dealt with in the past that made us closer in the first place.

We fall into a pattern- we get lazy. Both partners get into their comfort zone, and let things go,and before you know it their at that point where they never thought they'd be. Men for instance, start ogling more at other women, and making comments about how good looking they are, and they forget about the one their with.  Women might take a look at the cute butt of some hot guy, and romanticize about them. The issue is that we start to neglect each other in small ways that end up being very significant in the long run. We start to feel less adequate - less attractive. Many times we do not want to bring up each small issue,for fear of looking like a nit picker, but the result is a cascading failure of the relationship as small issues continue to be swept under the carpet. Both men and women need to be fearless in expressing their disapproval, and faultless in absorbing and trying to understand the complaints.  We must always be sensitive to our partner's feelings - relationships take work, and when both partners work at it - it grows into a lasting romance. Here are a few things we can do to make our relationships stay healthy:

1) Go out of your way to complement your partner each day. It will make both of you feel good.
2) Tell them you love them --- sometimes we don't hear this enough
3) Men stop ogling and women stop checking out cute butts.
4)  Honesty.....no one likes to be lied to so why do it. Tell each other everything, it will produce conversation
5) Have some alone time....every day make a little time whether its just a stroll, or snuggling up on the sofa to watch a movie
6) Communicate- tell your partner how you feel, and work things out before they become worse than they are.
7) Always start your day off with a kiss, and a hug, and a good morning- it starts your day off on a positive note, and it feels real good too.
8) Be relaxed and do not be afraid of public displays of affection – some public kissing and tenderness will exhibit to the world how you care about your partner and broadcast to them that you love them and want to make sure that everyone knows it
9) Don't be so serious...Laugh, smile, you know that saying “Partners that laugh together stay together” Its so true.....
10)  Never go to bed angry – talk it out and work it out – the best thing for a relationship is a kiss before you go to sleep. The second best thing is sex before you go to sleep. You cannot have the second without the first.

Relationships are hard work but worth the effort. Keep at it so that your relationship becomes more play than work. When it becomes second nature to you, you have truly achieved the epiphany of satisfaction.

http://www.top100datingpersonals.com/datingandhealthadvice.php