Big Binge Barf
In the normal course of any relationship, eventually your partner is going to end up drinking too much and vomiting. It will happen in almost all relationships, so if you see your date about to hurl, move them quickly to the bathroom and get them kneeling in front of the toilet. Wet down a washcloth so they can clean up their face a bit between events. It will make them feel a bit better. They’re going to want to rinse and wash up after their ordeal. Unless they have long hair, in which case, you can hold the hair back so it doesn’t get regurgitated nachos in it. Offer them your toothbrush if they don’t already have one at your place. You can buy a new one in the morning. This is not the most wonderful of events, but if you can get past it and still like her, then likely you have something going between you. If you have prepared buy buying a few extras, then it is a much less traumatic experience for all.
Passing Gas In Bed For The First Time.
This can be a very delicate moment. If you are not the culprit, then try to not make anything big about it. Treat it like no big deal. Just remember that if they feel comfortable enough to pass wind around you, then they are getting a lot more comfortable with the entire relationship as well. If the smile gets to you, then just make an excuse that you need a drink of water and vacate the premises. Might as well take a pee while you are at it so that there is more time for the smell to dissipate before you return. If it turns out that you are the perpetrator, then just say a polite,"Excuse Me." Do not try to blame it on any specific thing. Likely your partner already knows what you have been ingesting that night, and therefore can draw their own conclusions as to the reasons. Whatever you do, do not make a joke, throw off the covers and see if you can light blue darts. If you have really outdone yourself so that 'Pepe le Peu' would notice, then just open a window.
Letting One Rip for the First Time
Once that first bed-time fart has happened, the inevitable next first will be the first showmanship fart. So in this situation, not only do you let out the fart, but you do it loudly. Sometimes this is referred to as a showmanship fart. This is a big sign of intimacy (and immaturity). If it is your partner who did it, then responding with a grin and even clapping would likely be well received. If it’s your fart, take a look at your partner’s face to see what you should do. If they look horrified, apologize and wait another six months to try again. If they laugh, take a bow.
First Toilet While Showering
Unless you are fortunate enough to have digs with two bathrooms, it is inevitable that someone is going to have to use the toilet while the other person is still showering. If it’s your partner in the shower and you are in desperate need of using the toilet, simply announce your presence as you enter the bathroom and explain what is going on. Assure them that you are not going to flush until they are finished in the shower (so you don’t give them the temperature change). PUT THE LID DOWN WHEN YOU ARE DONE. If you are the one in the shower, then ask them not to flush, but be ready incase they do it out of force of habit. Make the best of it and invite them to join you. Nothing like a mutual showering and lathering to get the juices flowing.
Morning Breath Miasma
This is a yin/yang sort of scenario. Looking at the positive side of things, you and your partner spent the night together. You wake up snuggled to your date, who is still grinning from your fabulous sex techniques. They lean in for a kiss and you get a whiff of morning breath. Ouch! You surpress your natural urge to shove them as far away from you as you can. Don't do it! Try to say something sweet and sexy, and try to breath out as little as possible. After all, if one of you has hyena breath, likely the other does too. Get up to "Pee" and while up, brush your teeth and your tongue. Offer to make them some sort mint tea. Casually mention while you are on your way to the kitchen that you have an extra new toothbrush in the bathroom for them if they want to use one. They will jump at the chance. The best approach, is to keep a container of mints on the table beside the bed. Once your breath smells delightful again, time to hit the sheets for some other kinds of delight.
The Circle Of Friends
Meeting your partner's friends for the first time is always a perilous adventure. They will all be checking you out to see if you are good enough for their pal. Some will be friendly, and some will be hostile Some of them will still be friends with the last person your partner dated, and rooting for them to get back together. If your partner is a looker, or a really nice person, and chances are likely for that to be true, then there is a strong chance that at least one is hankering to get together with your partner themselves. As such, they see you as a serious threat, and will go out of their way to make you look bad. If you are lucky, some of them may even lust after you. Especially if you are a guy and they are a MILF.
You must be like a Zen Monk. Regardless of the provocation, you must be in control of your emotions and serene. To make it easier on yourself, spend most of your time with the ones who are overtly friendly to you. Go along with jokes and tell similar ones of your own. Stay away from off color unless a few have been told by others first. At no time should you up the humor ante. Make sure that you kiss your partner publicly a few times to establish your bond to the others. It is best to set a drink limit on yourself when you get to the party. That way you will not get drunk and do something stupid in retaliation. Stay cool, grasshopper.
Bumping Into The Ex
Meeting your partners Ex for the first time can be dicey. Especially if their ex still wants your date back! The first thing to do is determine the general demeanor of the ex. They can be pleasant, or they can be surly. If they’re friendly, then you be friendly. Offer your hand in friendship. Let your date and their ex have a few minutes of small talk. If they are hostile, then you have to be the Zen master. Do not react with anger. Suggest to your date that you should go, and then say good-bye. Taking the high road is always the way to go. Of course, once the Ex is out of earshot, depending on the mood of your partner, feel free to dis them. Not too much though. After all, dissing the Ex too much is telling the partner that they have bad taste. That does not reflect well on you. So keep it light and humorous. What they were wearing that night is a better target than slamming their personality or brains.
The rules of engagement (excuse the pun) are pretty much the same if it happens to be your own Ex that you bump into. If your current partner sees that you can maintain a somewhat friendly relationship with your Ex, it is bonus points for you. If a person can keep a healthy relationship with an Ex, then it is held in high esteem. If it turns out that you have a hostile relationship with your Ex, then get out of dodge as quickly as can be gracefully achieved. You do not want them to start nattering on about stuff best left forgotten in the past.
Eating Crackers In The Sack
Likely not a problem and most partners will just join you for a few. Now if it turns out that “Crackers” happens to be the family dog, then not only are you a sick puppy, but your relationship has just been officially pooched.
The First Time You Are Found In Bed With Genital Grease And A Goose
Guess what! You are no longer in a relationship! On top of this you will likely be arrested, and likely sentenced to the funny farm.
First Time You Are Caught Giving Mouth-To-Mouth Respiration To The Ex
If your Ex and your current partner are up for a menage a trois, you might get away with it. Otherwise, you can kiss off your relationship. Leave post haste with whatever dignity you might have left.
For more fun but informative stories go to:
Fun Dating Advice
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